...on Reason and Passion

Brown Skin Feminisms: Hip Hop and Sexism, Part 1

2011-07-31T16:32:00.000-07:00

I witnessed a disturbing Twitter interaction between two rappers (one male, one female) and a popular hip hop/urban blog over the past 24 hours. It all started when the male rapper (an up-and-coming hip hop star with a Shawn Carter co-sign) sent out tweets (jokingly) referring to past sexual exploits with the female rapper (a well-known indie rapper from NYC). It was inappropriate from the start for my tastes, but it probably would’ve been easy to dismiss after the first tweet. However, even after she asked him to cut it out, the male rapper went on to send an even more explicit tweet pointing to the way the female rapper supposedly liked to “receive” sex (based on his fantasy experience!). Now, it was clear to me from the beginning that this was all a joke to him. The female rapper didn’t find it so funny. Now I don’t know her well at all but I am some what acquainted with the female rapper through a mutual close friend. Therefore, I could sort of pick up how she was feeling about the whole conversation through her responses. I myself took exception to the whole exchange and even (sub-)tweeted a message that expressed my disdain. She did the same by making a remark or two about it but she quickly moved on.

It was not until this morning that my last feminist nerve was completely worked to no end. I woke up to read my timeline on Twitter (as we social media addicts tend to do each morning) only to find that the male rapper was complaining to the popular hip hop blog about reporting on his twitter exchange with the female rapper from the night before. They had, in fact, reported it as a news story. He would go on to apologize to the female rapper for his joke-gone-too-far and the aftermath. For its part, the blog only felt it necessary to apologize to the male rapper for exposing his wordplay with a friend. They mentioned the female rapper in the tweet, but did not offer her one world of apology for defaming her name before its thousands of blog readers. UGH! Of course I went on an all out twitter rant!!!!

What is the deal with the sexism in hip hop in 2011? I know that this topic has become so cliché and normalized it’s kind of sickening. But it still drives me crazy…why must hip hop and sexism go together like ODB and Mariah; babies and pacifiers? As a life long hip hop lover and critic, I am tired of it all. I, of course, cannot blame one segment of the population or a particular group of people. Anyone who comes into contact with or has anything to do with the production (I mean this in a cultural sense here) is partially responsible. There is no accountability for anyone: the artist, the consumer, corporate record labels, advertisers, and scholars/critics; not a one of us. We let soooooooo much slide in the name of a dope beat, some commercial success, and/or “keeping it real”. Well…for me and my crew (hip hop speak for my friends), it’s a wrap for keeping it real if we are only going to simply keep it real ignorant. For my part, I plan to use this space over the next few weeks to further investigate the role of feminism in hip hop discourse and production. Furthermore, I would like to look at how feminists can fight sexism in both the commercial and underground arenas of hip hop in the 21st century. More to come…

Poems I Love: Man by Ruth Forman

2011-06-30T10:33:00.000-07:00

Man
You a storm coming or a breeze
you steel you suede you subtle
a two-tone hustle

whose prints you wear on your being
hands you come from
who knows your stories
who cares about each one

ask cause I want to know
the color hovering beneath your wings
is it silver sapphire gold

where you dream of going
when you look out your morning window
who put that dream there

who was your father
who was your teacher
how much did it matter
did you ever let them know

n your path
a line straight
or curving at those inopportune places
your scars
where you hide them

your stroll
where it come from
what genius you carry in your sleeve
what you wear around your neck
does it choke or set you free

ask cause I want to know
what life knits into your fabric

and in thirty-three years
what will we say about you
faded photograph pewter frame
will we say
they don't make them like that
anymore

- Ruth Forman

It's been way too long...let's see where the journey leads us!!!

2011-06-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year....and like 5 more months!!!!

To all who have been following me for the past couple of years on this blog, I am so sorry it has been so long since I've posted. Life has been kicking my butt...for real! Not in a super bad way...I'm not depressed or anything...I've just been busy with work, school and everything else. BUT...I'm coming back!!!! Real soon...here and on my group blog Craniotome which I've started with some grad school chums. So stay tuned...In the meantime, you can also catch me on my tumblr page at: http://zorakatsdawta.tumblr.com/

Until next time...be cool!

Eartha Kitt All By Myself film clip

2010-10-17T06:24:00.000-07:00

AND U SAY NYC….SEPT 20TH…BLUE NOTE…ME…YOU…YES!

2010-08-31T04:35:00.000-07:00

AND U SAY NYC...SEPT 20TH...BLUE NOTE...ME...YOU...YES!

A Brief Note: Power and Art and Renewal

2010-08-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

I am contemplating the timeliness of Kanye's new song "Power"...not so much in terms of what it means to him as an individual artist/being but how the shift it speaks to represents the dawning of a new era of art and creative thinking and living. Power is being redefined as it tries to recover from all it has destroyed. Meanwhile, the artists and creators of the world are being empowered to make the growing pains of all of this transitioning a little more bearable for us all. Oh the irony...exciting stuff, no?!?!? I suppose it's why I have been suffering from insomnia all summer...the good kind...the kind that keeps me up...where I create and breathe in others' creations and...dream about them all day long...

Speaking of dreams...

Why I Haven't Blogged In Like...Forever...

2010-07-28T08:21:00.001-07:00

Long time no...blogging, eh?

Honestly, I am not exceptionally lazy or anything. I really do want to blog regularly and think that I am intellectually capable of doing so. The honest to God truth is simply that I have too much on my mind at any given time. Thus, I suspect that I may spontaneously combust in the midst of a blog entry and we don't want that. At once I am thinking about the Gulf Coast Oil Spill, state of Hip Hop, Oscar Grant travesty, depiction of young Black women in the media and networking via social media to name a few. On top of all of that, I am bogged down with my own issues like research proposals, raising money to finish my album, writing new songs, paying down debt, advancing my career, spending more time with family, fixing up my apartment, going to the gym more, eating better, traveling and an array of other things...being a Vogue-toting feminist aint no walk in the park my friend...let me assure you! With all of that on my mind, I am always afraid that I will say the wrong thing and although I have the ability to edit...I can't be too careful.

Cop out? Maybe. Yet this is how I have been feeling, what I have been thinking and why I haven't been blogging. I will say that this exercise of full disclosure has been quite therapeutic so perhaps it will aid me in unpacking some of this mental/spiritual baggage...

Actually...this feels really nice...my fingers feel liberated and my brain a little lighter. If this is any indication of what is to come, I think I will be in good shape. Note to self: You will not know how things are going to turn out (like writing a blog entry) until you actually sit down and give it a go. What do I have to lose really? Aint nuthin to it but to do it...seize the day...go for what you know...YOU GET THE POINT! I herein now declare that I'm going to try this bloggin regularly thing again real soon...I promise. Until then...Good day sir, I said GOOD DAY!!!

(HINT: Shirley Sherrod, who may be my new hero, is likely to show up on this thing real soon!!!)

Woman of Interest: Rue McClanahan (1934-2010)

2010-06-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

I will let this genius speak for herself...bye for now dear Blanche...I hope you rest well on that Lanai in the sky...

Beyonce on the Desperate Housewife (w/ Grammy's to boot)

2010-05-13T11:46:00.000-07:00

"Why Don't You Love Me" - Beyoncé from Beyoncé on Vimeo.

Is this another installment of B's brand of scantily clad, 21st century feminism?
Are we to be empowered by this display?
Not hating at all...this is a genuine question...
What are your thoughts?
I will share mine at length once I have lived with it a little longer. As for now, I think I am living for this video! This is of course minus my cultural critique hat as I simply tap into my inner drag queen. YE$ MS. BBBBBBBBBBB! LOL!

He's BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! JAMIE LIDELL

2010-04-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

So excited...
Check him out...he won't disappoint: http://jamielidell.com/

Woman of Interest: Mrs. Cherry Wyley (September 6, 1923-April 3, 2010)

2010-04-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

My dear Aunt Cherry passed away this past Saturday. I was fortunate enough to spend the last fours of her life with her. Not only will the moment when I realized she was about to take her last breathe stay with me for the rest of my life, but I will cherish all the moments we had together; especially the Sunday afternoon dinners with Mrs. Green and crew. I've known Aunt Cherry my entire life, but we became really close about ten years ago just before my Uncle Ed (her hubby) passed away in 2000. We were really like two peas and a pod! LOL! Everyday I realize how much I am like her in so many ways: feisty, ambitious, loyal and about our business (among other things)!

Words cannot express what she has meant to me over the years. She's dropped so many pearls of wisdom and surrounded me with so much love and support...it just warms my heart to think about hearing her raspy voice...so Brooklyn...so Black Jewish lady! LOL! Aunt Cherry loved her Matzahs! Although I will miss her, I am happy that she is in a better place with the loves of her life: her Lord and her Ed.

One of my favorite Cherry Wyley sayings is what she told me she used to say to Uncle Ed all the time, "Love me less, understand me more!" YES! I could not have put it better or more plainly. Every time I hear that...I think to myself, "Aunt Cherry gets me and I get her! That's why I love her so and she loves me."

Aunt Cherry...I love you and already miss you terribly but I am so glad that you stopped by this way a little while to show us how this life thing should be done...to the fullest! I think I am going to hit up some conventions and take some cruises in your honor...I may even finally learn how to play Pinochle and the rules of parliamentary procedure! You were good at and knowledgeable of so many things and did not take anybody's junk but you also knew how to really have fun...even when you were not feeling your best. Not only that, I admire the way you shared your love with us (me, son Stevie and others) and sang hymns and praises even until the very end. You were and continue to be a shining example to me...I will never, ever forget you. Truly, we are all going to miss you because the work you've done will continue to speak for you. Rest in Peace...

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. Proverbs 31:10

Woman of Interest: Yes Ms. Stanwyck! (Absolutely!)

2010-03-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

Per Mr. Ebert's recommendation, check out this awesome scene between Henry Fonda and the amazing Barbara Stanwyck...hot like pepper and hilarious, to boot! ;-)

parlez-vous francais? or My Epic Fail Turned Inspiration

2010-03-24T07:59:00.001-07:00

Being a resident of such a diverse city like NYC, I am often stopped on the street by people of various ethnic backgrounds and nationalities who claim that I remind them of home. Where is home? As long as they are brown, it doesn't really matter. I am sized up by folks from Trinidad, South Africa...even southern India. It all depends on how I am wearing my hair that day (see photos)! Honestly, I am flattered when this happens to me. I like to think of myself as a world citizen so, if a bunch of different peeps think we are some kin...I AM ALL FOR IT!

I am sure you are asking yourself, "where is all this coming from?" Well, today I had another one of these moments. A couple approached me though they did not come out and say, "you're like home." Still, they scanned the drugstore we were in for a person that looked familiar, sized me up and then asked a sizable question in French; a french dialect that sounded West African and beautiful to me. I looked at the woman puzzled. "Do you speak French?" she said in her best English. "NO...well...un peu," I said in my twelve year old voice. "D'accord"...my little was obviously good enough for her to launch into asking me another very detailed question in French! But here's the funny part...I knew exactly what she was saying: "Do you know if they sell IMAN cosmetics here?" Unfortunately, I could not say anything comprehensible back to her. Instead,I started into the embarrassing pantomiming that New Yorkers tend to do when trying to direct an international guest towards the right direction. I almost panicked until her husband came over to me and asked in English, "Where can she get it?" with a big ole smile! I told him. They both thanked me and gave me the warmest smile...like we were family. I felt better and kind of fell in love with them for a second. I can be super sentimental at times. Still, I had failed to use the French that I have been studying and practicing off and on for the past couple of years. The VERY language that I hope to use in my research on women of the African Diaspora and how they communicate in beauty salons! HELLO...MCFLY!

Though I played the fool yet again, I learned three important lessons today:
1. I NEED TO PRACTICE MY FRENCH EVERYDAY OR I WILL TURN INTO A BABBLING IDIOT LIKE I DID TODAY AND ON MY LAST TRIP TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
2. I SHOULD NOT ABANDON THE RESEARCH PROJECT THAT I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO DO ON DIASPORIC SUBJECTIVITIES AND THE BEAUTY INDUSTRY.
3. BE YE ALSO READY!

And that is how you learn from your failures folks! That is all. ;-)

Woman of Interest: Ms. Jackson (if your nasty, of course)

2010-03-17T08:10:00.000-07:00

I would be lying if I told you Janet Jackson was not a huge influence on me as a young performer. In fact, she was very much the prototype for a triple threat(behind Ms. Debbie Allen of course...more on her later) when I was a teenager. However, as I got older and became more "refined", I began downplaying the impact she had on me. Besides, she was "just" a pop icon and I had begun discovering greats like Sarah, Ella and Billie as a singer and Babs, Chita and Patti LuPone as a triple threat performer. Still, looking back I remember those days in the mirror "trying" to do all of Tina's choreography (especially the one in the video above! LOL!); not so much! Ironically, as a member of Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera's Mini-Stars, "Rhythm Nation" was one of my biggest solos; which gave me a chance to perform her dope choreography on a regular basis in front of people other than my Cabbge Patch doll! Although I was merely fifteen years old at the time, this solo is still a career highlight for me.

I could really go on and on about all of my JJ moments: the concerts, the DVDs, the cassettes then CDs...the first time I heard "That's the Way Love Goes" while sitting in the beauty salon getting my hair done for my senior prom! The bottom line is this: Ms. Janet is an icon who is very much her brother's sister...she has more than proven herself worthy of her last name...she can go toe to toe with the best of them because she resides among them in the Pantheon of American Performing Artists...I've seen her in concert...the woman is no joke....and she was Penny for goodness sake!

Unfortunately, as our pop icons get older they are forced to make decisions about their career that can either make or break them. Ms. Jackson has been no exception as she too has struggled to make the adjustment like so many of her predecessors and contemporaries. How do you continue to portray powerful and sexy at 40ish in a business that glorifies 20ishness? Who knows...no matter what...we can't deny the amazing body of work Janet has already given us. Though she continues to make the transition into her full womanly awesomeness, I am sure she has got decades worth of greatness still in her to give. I can't wait to see what she does next besides "Why Did I Get Married Too!" I aint hatin...I'ma be up in that show...#imjustsayin

Woman of Interest: Karen Armstrong

2010-03-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

NEW MUSIC: REFLECTION ETERNAL AT IT AGAIN!

2010-03-11T14:28:00.000-08:00

Reflection Eternal - In This World (Official Video)

Reflection Eternal | MySpace Music Videos

NEW ALBUM Revolutions Per Minute Drops April 6th!
Go get that...

Beauty Jonez #1: Burt's Bee Repair Serum

2010-03-05T15:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I made an innocent trip to Rickys NYC for some Hair Rules Kinky Curling Cream and Rosebud Lip Salve and just happened upon this fab facial product. I've only used it once but honey it's already everything to me! And to top it all off I got it for 50% off...$9.99...now that will have a girl Beauty Jonezin' fo' sho! It smells delish...all natural...my face is glowing but not greasy...no reapplication necessary and its nearly 7PM...in a word, it is pure AWESOMENESS.
Try it...K? Until next time...stay beautiful on your own terms...;-)

Woman of Interest: Lorez Alexandria

2010-03-04T08:23:00.001-08:00

A few years ago I stumbled upon the treasure that is Lorez Alexandria. Her career was relatively short lived compared to her contemporaries in jazz vocals but her impact is yet strong...at least on me. My views on music and jazz and what it means to be a woman in music have not been the same since finding this gem. I am a different woman and a different kind of singer as a result. Enjoy...

For more information, go to: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lorez_Alexandria

...Writing's The Thing...

2010-02-14T06:55:00.001-08:00

I have a paper to write today
And I can't seem to find the words I need
So here I am in my little corner of the writing sky
Word hunting and stretching out my thoughts on this little cyber bed

Sitting still, staring at a blank screen
So for the birds...so last year
I am going to give writing a go every time
Even if I am moving in the wrong direction
I'm moving, aren't I?

Epistemes and ontologies
Turns and valences
Nature, nurture, culture and society
Humanities, science and technology

This is me trying to steer my ship back to the straight and narrow
Right now its the only way I know
Because brainstorming and thinking and drinking joe
And tearing out your hair and ripping up your cuticles

And sneaking on Twitter (who are you hiding from?)
And wikipediaing the random
And texting your bestie
And crunching on Pirates Booty

And having a little stretch break
And taking a nap
And beating yourself up
...I suppose they are all viable options...but

Writing's the thing, really

Genius...RIP...Alexander McQueen (1969-2010)

2010-02-11T08:08:00.001-08:00

Woman of Interest: J.K. Rowling

2010-02-08T07:39:00.000-08:00

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

Happy New Year +35 days!!!

2010-02-04T08:12:00.000-08:00

I am the worst...I know...I am late for New Years! I know, I know...this post is WAY overdue. Excuses are not my thing but I have to say...I was in a major crisis at the top of the year. I had a 20 page paper due and my entire premise collapsed by page 5! So...I totally freaked and made a big deal of the paper as if it were my PhD dissertation. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. That's so 2009!

Anyways...I am sooooooo excited about the...errr...next 11 or so months! I have so much I want to do. For starters:

1. I want to finish out the first year of this anthro grad program with decent grades (need funding!)
2. Finish writing, recording and release my sophomore album
3. Continue tricking out my apartment so I can feel more like a grown up and less like an overgrown undergrad
4. Another maturation issue: better control over my finances...
5. Stop being such a fear monger! ARGH! So not cute...
6. Get started on a research project which may shape up to be my doctoral focus (or not)
7. Get my french going...I've got to get beyond these measly table manners
8. MORE WRITING (Submit for some journals, blogs, sites, conferences, etc.)

Not a bad start, eh?

I am super hopeful about everything. I am not sure if I will get everything done but I am going to keep working while I am waiting. ACTION!

P.S. I chose this pic of lovely Ms. Grier because it just says beauty and empowerment and looking ahead to me. I love!

God Bless Haiti

2010-01-13T14:38:00.001-08:00

Woman of Interest: Susan Boyle

2009-12-13T10:28:00.000-08:00

When the world serves you lemons...

For more information on Ms. Boyle: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_boyle

The 11th Hour...

2009-12-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

...is always the hardest to endure...hold on dear comrades...I am speaking to myself as much as I am to you...may the force be with you ;-)

Woman of Interest: Bette Davis

2009-11-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

Simply the best...

Gotta find my CORNER OF THE SKY...

2009-11-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

Seu Jorge: NO WORDS...JUST LOOK & LISTEN...YUM!

2009-11-19T11:58:00.000-08:00

30 somethin, Rich and Foolish: A Placeholder for Rage

2009-11-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

The topic of this entry: 50 Cent...

I will leave it at that...I don't trust myself to write this piece now because I know I am going to go all the way in. Therefore, I am going to chill out for now. Still, I need to hold myself accountable and shame myself in to finishing what I've started. Here's the reference:

http://www.allhiphop.com/stories/multimedia__video/archive/2009/11/12/22026038.aspx

Feel free to look it over until I can get my mind right.

Deal?

Woman of Interest: Patricia J. Williams

2009-11-12T06:48:00.000-08:00

(photo courtesy of of www.drexel.edu)

Inspiration comes to me from the darnedest places...music...books...films...everyday life...presentations by Law professors!

I have know of my Woman of Interest for the week, Patricia J. Williams for years. I knew she was a prominent legal scholar and recipient of the distinguished MacArthur Fellowship. However, it was not until last week that I had the honor of witnessing her genius in person. I went to a panel discussion about the work of Édouard Glissant at my alma mater, NYU. What an amazing evening...I fell in love over and over again with everyone in the room. But Ms. Williams really struck me with her elegant speech, humility and grace. While everyone else on the all-male panel decided to take a more prepared academic approach to their presentation, Ms. Williams just told a story...one which made an impression on everyone in the room. Surely I could go on and on about my geek crush on this amazing woman, but alas I will allow you to find your own way to her greatness!

For more information, go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patricia_J._Williams

This Is It!: A Revelation

2009-11-11T12:01:00.000-08:00

Nothing much to say but...if I am not willing to work as hard as MJ did in rehearsal for his O2 run...then I should probably stop doing WHATEVER it is I think I am doing right now...be it academia, music, business or any other endeavor. MJ was a genius but pushed himself to the max and did so not just for himself, but the world. The film "This Is It" was for me an eye-opener...a revelation.

What shall I conquer now with this new found enthusiasm and zest?!?!! 2nd album? advance degree? a family? thriving business? peace? balance?

First and foremost, MJ was focused...thus, FOCUS IS MY CURRENT FOCUS! ;-)

"Who Am I Anyway?"

2009-10-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

This is what I go through and how I feel each and everyday (at work, school, personal life, etc.)...

...Life is really one long audition for me...and I keep getting cut...yet I keep coming back to the line.

If I give up, what else can I do? Life goes on whether I participate or not...so for me...there is no other alternative but to keep getting back to that line...LIFE...here goes!

Rio2016: A view from the favella

2009-10-19T09:18:00.001-07:00

So I am super excited because I have decided to embark on a new research project today. Over the next several days, months and maybe even years I would like to look at how the preparations for the 2016 Olympics in Rio De Janeiro impacts the poor people (particularly youth) of Brazil. Back in 2004 or 2005, I wrote a piece on the Juvenile Justice System in Brazil. I am now wondering how the Brazilian authorities urgent need to clean-up the crime ridden streets of Rio before the games might effect the poor youth of Brazil. My project will also focus on other related topics such as: the meaning behind the Olympic sponsor village as a global village and the opening ceremony performance as a cultural artifact. In looking at these and other themes, I am wondering what it means for Brazilians to have the whole world watching them more closely as a result of these games coming there for the first time. What will this new view of the world from their window mean for the local people of Rio?

There's already tons of controversy surrounding the crime issues in the city. Check out this article and pay special attention to the title. The media loves this stuff...let the games begin!

Woman of Interest: Paula Kelly

2009-10-14T06:19:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all...I know it has been a minute since I've shared a "Woman of Interest" with you. So without further adieu, it is my esteemed pleasure to introduce the incomparable: Paula Kelly.

She is a singer, dancer and actress...a black beauty...and another woman I want to be when I grow up. I could go on and on about this immense talent...but I can show you better than I can tell you. Check her out in action with another fierce lady: Chita Rivera (love her!) in "Sweet Charity":

For more information on Paula Kelly, click here.

Can I have a moment?

2009-10-12T14:29:00.000-07:00

Life feels so arbitrary yet blah today...it is becoming more and more clear that nothing is as it seems. BUT I am not going to carry on in this direction as it will only make me sound like one of those bratty and ungrateful cosmopolitan elites...soo..

I just have a word of advice for my fellow academic enthusiasts...the more you use your brain the more you will ponder randomness ad nasueam...tis not a great thing if you have other stuff to do like work, music and...well...living life, in general. The kind of inquiry that I am engaged in at present must be for young folks or perhaps the independently wealthy...I am trying to keep the lights on and the Frigidaire full! How do I do that while at the same time wrestle with ideas promulgated by a bunch of fellows who have not been with us in centuries (and would likely have me working the fields)!?!?!?!?!

ONE DAY IT WILL ALL MAKE SENSE...for now I will just do my best MARGO CHANNING and act like it does! ;-)

NOBODY TOLD ME THE ROAD WOULD BE EASY...

2009-09-18T08:06:00.000-07:00

BALANCE...MY FAVORITE WORD THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT...

I have been struggling to balance my day job, music career, academic work and personal life for the past several weeks. I am afraid that if I don't give up something, I will be horrible at everything...or at the very least mediocre which is such a bad word! I've already seen how it has affected my music. I need to find a way to devote much more time to it. But how?

These are the days when I understand people's desire to hit the MEGA MILLIONS. I am sure that it would cause more trouble than its worth but for me it is an attractive alternative right now!

I am running out of VERBS...I am doing so much.

That's all...just sharing.

I SHOULD BE READING...

2009-09-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

The biggest problem I have now that I am back in Grad School is that no matter what I am doing I feel like I should be reading something instead. I can be on the train, eating dinner, sitting in a church...doesn't matter. The first thought that comes into my mind is, "I should really be somewhere reading." What's worse is that once I start reading I always think that I should have picked a better location at which to do the reading...for better concentration, ya know? This obsession comes with the fact that between two seminars at two hours a pop each week, I am responsible for reading and responding critically to well over 500-600 pages of dense theory every week. And kids...my brain is old and not as malleable as it once was. The ironic thing is that when it was fresh and new, I could care less about academics. Ugh...so here I am...a self-proclaimed professional student...once again new to this thing...trying to figure out a way to get it right. Any ideas? Let me know...Gotta go...I should probably be reading now...

Back to School Time...

2009-08-27T15:03:00.001-07:00

Why do I feel like a 2nd grader eagerly anticipating the coming of a new school year? Only my 2nd 1st day of school but exciting nonetheless...new pens, new paper, new biscuit Thom McCann (sp?) shoes...can't get enough of em! Except now I am 33 not 7 and have already been to many different schools and have a couple of degrees, to boot.

Why now? Why this time is it such an exciting proposition for me?

This is a time like no other in the world, in the US, in NYC, in my life personally. Obama is president, the economy is down, people are bugging, and I am excited to put on my Wonder Woman costume and get to work. I WANT TO START REALLY LIVING AND THRIVING...Sure I have already had a pretty full life: moving to NY at 17, going to NYU, working in the music business, touring with my favorite musical, traveling to Europe and Japan, releasing an album, getting my Master's degree...I aint complaining over here. BUT I am convinced that I have not done enough and I have to get my tail moving on my real purpose in life...which I must confess is not 100% clear yet. I do know that it will involve empowering women and girls, through scholarship, activism, and the arts. Pretty broad I know...so I've go to remember that if this is a life long journey I've got to prepare myself for the long haul...it's not just about what's in front of me. What's more...it aint about me!

God has given me multiple gifts to cultivate and allow to grow so that I can use them to uplift his people. Funny thing is...I am going into a field and studying with a bunch of people who mostly deny the existence of God. What a challenge I have before me! I am sooooooooo up for it though.

Next tuesday is my first day...I wonder what I should expect...I think I will buy some new black flats for the occasion. Pray my strength! ;-)

Why aren't you married? Are you at least thinking about it?

2009-07-27T14:13:00.000-07:00

"It's not good for a woman to be alone."

If this question applies to you or has been asked of you...please feel free to weigh in with comments. I am keeping this one simple and with little explanation. I will tell you why a little later! ;-)

Woman of Interest: Marian Wright Edelman

2009-07-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Hi kids...sorry it's been a minute. I have been running in and out of town! My last trip to Little Rock is actually the inspiration for this post. I spent 4 days with some really great youth and I haven't been able to stop thinking about them since. So in honor of my new found love for young people (LOL! Just kidding...I always love the kids!)...my Woman of Interest for this week is none other than Mrs. Marian Wright Edelman, founder and CEO of The Children's Defense Fund.

Working with, fellowshipping amongst, and advocating on behalf of some beautiful young people between the ages of 12-18 this past week has been such a blessing to me. I must admit that many of them seemed to be a little rough around the edges when I first encountered them....I wasn't sure how the weekend was going to go. However, once we were able to create a safe, creative, and open environment for them and gave them the opportunity to express themselves freely, their world completely opened up. Suddenly, these broken and guarded teens were smiling and happy young men and women ready to get to work! They lit up the faces of all of the adult volunteers by the end of the week and inspired us all to do bigger and greater things on their behalf.

No one exemplifies this call to service or advocates on behalf of children more or greater than Mrs. Edelman. I've read about her quite a bit over the years but I really got to know her work through the influence of one of my bffs who works for CDF in Texas. In addition to starting the CDF which she founded as a voice for poor, minority and disabled children in 1973, Mrs. Edelman was an accomplished civil rights lawyer who was the first African American admitted to the Mississippi Bar. In essence, she has been an activist for the marginalized and forgotten in every aspect of her career and life. Mrs. Edelman is the real deal y'all...she's another woman I want to be when I grow up! ;-)

For more information, click here.

"Service is the rent each of us pays for living. The only thing that lasts is what is shared with others." - MWE

Woman of Interest: Dr. Regina Benjamin

2009-07-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

It brings me great pleasure to introduce you to my "Woman of Interest" for today and this week: Dr. Regina Benjamin.

This morning President Barack Obama announced Dr. Benjamin as his nominee for Surgeon General of the United States (CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta declined the nomination a few months ago). Dr. Benjamin is not only an accomplished and highly regarded physician and administrator, but a strong advocate for human rights. She runs a nonprofit medical clinic in Bayou La Batre, Alabama (which she founded) and became the first African-American woman on the American Medical Association's board of trustees when she was elected to the post in 1995.

Dr. Benjamin is truly the real deal!

For more information on Dr. Regina Benjamin, please click here.

A Day of Remembrance for MJ...

2009-07-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

I am reminded by witnessing the outpour of love for MJ that you never know who you might touch with your gifts. You cannot let the haters and naysayers run you out of the game. Artistry is service to a dying world.
In life and in death, MJ has inspired me to carry out my God-given calling even when others try to make me feel less than...even when it hurts...even when I feel like giving up.
Only God can judge me...the same goes for Michael. May his soul rest in peace.

Michael Jackson
1958-2009

Woman of Interest: Phyllis Hyman (In Remembrance)

2009-07-06T08:56:00.001-07:00

Phyllis Hyman
July 6, 1949 — June 30, 1995

Her beauty was beyond belief...her voice was so rich and her personality larger than life...to know her music was to love her.

I became a fan of Ms. Hyman as a sophomore in high school when my drama teacher showed me a clip of her singing "It Don't Mean a Thing" in the Broadway musical, Sophisticated Ladies (plus I found out that she was originally from my hometown, Pittsburgh!). Ever since that day her beautifully rich alto tone has haunted me. Along with greats like Sarah Vaughan and Anita Baker, her artistry is something that I have aspired to because all four of us possessed one similar gift: a strong lower register (as well as some nifty highs). Now if only I can get mine to sound half as glorious as Phyllis'... Unfortunately, all that talent did not help her bouts with depression and extreme sadness. I wish she knew how much she was and still is loved.

Make it your business to learn more about this American treasure and her music. For more information, click here. As a gift to her memory, purchase some of her music today. :-)

Our Little Girls: Where's the Outrage?

2009-07-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

For the past few days, we've seen black community leaders rally around the Jackson family in their time of bereavement. Surely MJ will be missed so we understand their concern for the family and fans worldwide. We've also heard that some of them (along with a popular musician and executive) made it their business to have Chris Brown excluded from the BET Awards ceremony which was held in Los Angeles this past weekend. This is possibly a more debatable point. Sure Chris Brown was dead wrong...but I sense a bit of hypocrisy was even involved in that decision...but more on that later. Also in regard to the BET Awards, I want to know who thought it was okay to allow a half dozen pre-teen girls dance on stage with Lil Weezy and crew during their "We Like Girls" performance? WHAT MESSAGE OUR WE SENDING? Has anyone paid attention to any of the lyrics? I refuse to reprint any of them here but let's just say they would make your mama faint. Unbelievable...I say all this to say that I love a good Weezy or Drake song as much as the next girl in the club BUT where do we draw the line of decency and stand for what is right? I can't let this one pass...where's the outrage (check the below out at minute 3:35)? TALK TO ME?!!?!?!

Woman of Interest: What About Tamar?

2009-06-30T08:47:00.001-07:00

So...I woke up this morning with a theological chip on my shoulder. I asked myself, "What about Tamar?" Who is Tamar you ask? She is a biblical character, daughter of the infamous King David. There are actually a few Tamars in the Bible but Wikipedia eloquently makes the distinction "for the rape victim, see..." And that's just it...Tamar's claim to fame in the Good Book is "Tamar: daughter of David and rape victim." I guess it is important for me to include that she was raped by David's son...yes her brother!
I am often amazed by how provocative the Bible can be. Sometimes the stories and parables read more like an episode of the "Young & the Restless" circa 1989 than a sacred text. But that's what makes it the most important manuscript of them all: its cultural relevancy. I mean who needs a Harlequin book when you've got the Old Testament? That being said, I don't often hear holistic commentary on issues involving women in the Bible. Through much teaching you may be lead to believe that women are just ancillary pieces to the puzzle (with the exception of Eve!). However, when you read the text for yourself you may find that a woman completely drives a particular story. Case in point: I've been in discussions about the Tamar rape where people focus mostly on the strained relationship between her brother's Absalom and Annon. I agree that this relationship is an integral part of the story but by the end of the conversation I always find myself blurting out, "But what about Tamar?"
This theological quandary still rings true in my heart when dealing with issues in modern society. I mean do we ever stop to think, "I wonder how Anita Hill is doing since the Clarence Thomas thing? Has Monica Lewinsky been able to live a normal life since Bill? Will OJ Simpson's daughter with Nicole ever be able to maintain healthy relationships with men?" How many times have you heard a story about a family tragedy or the fall of a dynasty with little to no mention of the womenfolk involved?
I wrote this piece today because I want to now confess publicly one of my newly discovered missions in life: to empower the Tamars of the world to change their lives and those of other women and children around them through education and the arts. It is surely a daunting mission but one that I am finally ready to accept.
But more on this later...
For more information about Tamar, you can reference 2 Samuel 13.

Long live the King...in our hearts and minds...MJ 1958-2009

2009-06-26T00:25:00.000-07:00

Looking in my mirror
Took me by surprise
I can't help but see you
Running often through my mind
Helpless like a baby
Sensual disguise
I can't help but love you
It is getting better all the time

I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it even if I could
I can't help it if I wanted to
I wouldn't help it, no

excerpt from MJ's tune,"I Can't Help It" Written and composed by Stevie Wonder and Susaye Greene.

Thursday, June 25th...my life was changed forever...I can't help it MJ...I can't sleep...when I close my eyes...your face is all I see...may you rest in peace...a peace that man/woman never allowed you to get here on earth...you gave us your life and shared with us all of your many gifts andd for that we will love you forever...

Woman of Interest: Zahra Rahnavard

2009-06-24T07:43:00.000-07:00

(pic source: news.yahoo.com)
I try to keep up with the news both local and abroad because I think it is important. Especially in the sporadic and volatile times we live in right now. I've really been trying to keep up with the information coming in about the situation in Iran with the election and subsequent protests. However, I don't feel like I know enough about all parties involved to take a strong "cyberstance" like many of my other peeps. I don't know that much about Mousavi so I can't say whether he is a worthy alternative to your boy A or not. However, I have been reading up on Mousavi's wife and she seems pretty awesome.

Dr. Zahra Rahnavard is a PhD toting artist, educator, leader, and women's rights activist. She was very active in her husband's presidential campaign (ala Michelle Obama) which is pretty unprecedented in that region of the world. Mousavi and Rahnavard have also been known to show their affection for each other in public by holding hands in the streets (which is said to be frowned upon in the Muslim world). Now I don't know THAT much about her but I am pleased with what she represents for the oppressed women of Iran and in countries all over the world.

For more information on Dr. Rahnavard, click here.

I sing because I'm happy, I sing because...

2009-06-18T11:41:00.001-07:00

WHY MY HEART SMILED THIS MORNING...

2009-06-16T09:02:00.000-07:00

I often find myself on a subway packed with rowdy 6th graders headed to a field trip on my morning commute and I am far too often tempted to scream on them like I was their mama! They cannot seem to sit still and talk at a normal level to save their lives. Even worse is the scene I see some afternoons outside of my office building which is a block away from two or three NYC Public High Schools. I usually find myself witnessing the sad state of affairs surrounding our young people; huge crowds of teenagers who are lost, with no direction no consideration for ANYONE including themselves. I am sometimes so angry that it scares me.
BUT this morning was different. My heart was made glad on my commute into work when I saw a full row of Black and Latino boys on the train sitting quietly...reading...intensely. I literally almost cried. I snuck a picture (I called it "The Young Cornels")...I had to capture the moment so that when I see another group of BeBes I have a memory...some hope...a glimmer of possibility to get me through.
Why is this such an anomaly in this day and age? I will do whatever I can to make sure that this is something I see everyday...maybe not in everyone...but this MUST become the RULE and not the EXCEPTION. Any ideas?

Meet Job's Daughter...

2009-06-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

I sent a tweet out today that simply said:" I believe that writers are direct descendants of Job." Not sure why. Well...actually I do. I was reading a Chronicle of Higher Learning piece on college student writing and the internet. At the same time, I was listening to the NY Times Book Review podcast. The guest was bestselling author, James Irving who said that it often takes close to a year between the time that he gets the idea (usually the last line) for a new book and when he writes the first sentence. What patience!?!!?!? It made me think of my own process and how impatient and unforgiving of myself I can be at times.

Job is a historical figure who I think about quite a bit. Every time I read his story, I get something else out of it which I can then apply to my own life. He is widely known as one of the most patient men to ever walk the face of the earth. He also endured longsuffering and affliction in defense of what he believed in. He lost everything yet stood firm on the promise that his latter days would be greater (well...he had a "moment" but he was still human!). The story of Job always causes me to reflect on my life as an "artist".

I am always striving to get better, do more...and the journey gets lonely. Although I know loads of artists and people in general who are going through what I am going through...it never feels like that in the low moments. In these moments, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well...screaming at the top of my lungs...every once and awhile someone will pass and stick their head down to see where the sound is coming from...but they don't see me but instead see their own reflection in the water...not realizing that there is a woman down in there...somewhere.

BUT then I think of Job...he lost his family, his wealth, his health...everything...yet still he was faithful and God blessed him tremendously in the end. I ask myself, "Can you go on knowing that this desert moment that you are experiencing may go on for quite some time?" I rest on the thought and come to the same conclusion that my spiritual forefather came to in his prayer to God: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

Secret to World Peace and Harmony...Let Women Rock!

2009-06-11T09:07:00.000-07:00

Yo...an undeniable fact is that when women are given the space and place to rock (by rock I mean do what they do and do it well), the world becomes a better place and humanity is at its best.

I have always been inspired by women (famous and not so famous) who just go for it...whatever that means for their lives. However, recently the opportunity to watch women really ROCK what they do has infused my heart with so much pride, joy, and inspiration that I am overwhelmed with new ideas and dreams that I am looking forward to ROCKING in due time.

Every time Michelle Obama steps off of a plane or walks down the hallways of the White House we look on in awe of her because she is totally ROCKING 1st ladyhood. When Beyonce steps on stage some of us hate but others of us recognize the tradition she carries on in the spirit of women like Tina Turner who give audiences 150% every single night. If you have ever had the good sense to read a Toni Morrison book (Beloved being my fav), when you are done not only are you amazed by the work itself but have to recognize the amazing woman behind it.

Lately, two very good friends of mine have combined efforts to create a collective of two known as Dlaila. Dlaila = Key (http://ladyplum.wordpress.com/) + Jini (http://jinita.wordpress.com/). Now individually these women are super fantastic talents and beautiful people. BUT together they REALLY ROCK...and they are just getting started. Check them out and you will see what I mean: http://dlaila.wordpress.com/

Jini has two AMAZING daughters who are just in their preteens and they are already ROCKING IT...AND HARD AND HOW! Jauhara is a crazy fresh visual artist and musician and Chandani is ridiculously gifted writer and singer (among other things). These girls bring me so much hope for the future...WOO HOO! They make me want to have a little girl or two. :-)

Check out the below for a small gallery tour of some of Hara's work. When Chandani allows me access to some of her written work, I will share that with you as well.

So people...I beseech you...instill the gift of ROCK into the hearts and minds of little girls. They don't know the power that they have...I forget all the time so I get it...I do. Tell them that if they choose to sing, or cook, or dance, or write, or nurse, or mother, or police, or profess, or confess, or sweep, or whatever to ROCK ALL THE WAY OUT. The human race is depending on them. ;-)

short gallerie tour from dlaila and company on Vimeo.

The Real Housewives of NJ: A Critical Analysis

2009-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:00

Oh My Lawd! Those RHNJ women are scary...the scariest yet. What they think is cute and classy is so...not. I cannot believe that they are just a few miles over the bridge from New York because they could not be more different then my NY girls.

I will say that the show can be entertaining at times. All of the RH casts have been in some way or another. However, this one is the most dysfunctional...at least it seems so based on what we get to see. These girls spend so much time in the plastic surgeons chair, tanning bed, and hair colorist salon that I am sure I would not recognize them in a picture from their high school yearbook. The only one that looks normal and has any damn sense is the self-proclaimed matriarch Caroline (I think that is her name). She's textbook Italian mom with a little money. I like her. Her sister Dina pisses me off because she acts like she's better than this other woman Danielle but she's just as "meshuganah". The other two have "Stepford" tendencies but I can almost handle them. Overall, they all could use a little Jesus in their lives. I can't really make my final judgment because the juicy episode where the girl Teresa turns over the dinner table and curses the kids out doesn't air until next week. STAY TUNED...

I really appreciated the RHNY because those women were REAL. Jill Zarin rocks! I don't care what anyone says. That heifer is who she says she is...unapologetically. The dynamic between her and Ramona was a classic NY girl love/hate friendship. Perhaps it is just because I live in NY but that show just felt so much more relateable. Even more so than RHAtlanta which had all of the black women. I got that one and enjoyed it but NY was more my speed.

Bethany was like the girl I went to college with who is so ambitious but is having a hard time finding a man because she feels like she has to be two different women...split in two. I can totally understand where she is...EXCEPT she needs to eat because the Skinny girl thing is starting to get out of hand. The Countess was at her best when she had her unexpected bouts with "down-to earthness". I think life is starting to humble her a bit. To the one who is married to the gay man I say, "you like it, I love it." They seem happy in a strange way. Leave them be! My only suggestion for the show's producers would be to ship that Kelly off to NJ before she gets her behind kicked in NY! Can you say nightmare?

So Mr. Bravo...what's next? The Real Housewives of Pittsburgh? "What are yinz doing?" Holla at your girl...

Live * Work * Create - a photo essay

2009-06-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

Subject: Kendra Ross and the side wall of Brooklyn Industries on 5th Avenue and Union Street in Brooklyn, June 8, 2009
Photographer: Ji Ni (c) 2009

The Winner Stands Alone : My comments on the book by Paulo Coelho

2009-06-09T11:49:00.001-07:00

The Winner Stands Alone : My comments on the book by Paulo Coelho

Posted using ShareThis

In the wrong place at the right time...

2009-06-08T14:12:00.000-07:00

As you may well know, I am an independent recording artist and performer which means I am a professional artist with a day job (for now)! Sometimes this bugs the crap out of me because the time I spend sitting at this desk making my corporation money is time I should be using to perfect my craft(s). HOWEVER...I often wake up and remember that being broke aint cute...especially after 25...okay 30! The truth of the matter is that this job has been a blessing for the most part. Since I've been here I received my first master's degree (working on my 2nd towards a PhD right now)and released my debut album. SO...it hasn't really stopped me from pursuing my dreams at all. BUT...days like this...when I am sitting on 8 hour conference calls...I want to run away! ARGH! For me this may not be the right place in my mind but it is where I am supposed to be right now...we will see what happens.
This is me sitting at my desk listening to a presentation being made by some European consultants to our LA office...HE HE:

Where's DMX when you need him?

2009-06-05T13:52:00.000-07:00

Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me go all out up in here, up in here
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool up in here, up in here
-DMX "Party Up"

I feel you dawg...it has been one of them dayz! fo rilla!

What a Man Sounds Like When He Sings...

2009-06-03T07:37:00.000-07:00

One thing I often think about as a vocalist is how there is a shortage of great male singers in popular music. Well...not male but MAN! Sure, there are a few adolescent, whining boys to choose from...and I won't name any names. But take a second and think about the first time you heard Sam Cooke or Donnie Hathaway sing...WOO HOO! When is the last time you heard a man and got that loving feeling? Can't remember right? Our boy Maxwell is on his way back to rescue us from the manless landscape of music and I can't wait (he's looking really good these days too) BUT if you REALLY want to hear what a man sounds like when he opens his mouth to sing, check out this one right here: Kurt Elling.

There are times when I listen to Kurt's music and a tear comes to my eye. If you could set the warmth and love of a real man to music, this is what it would sound like. I know it sounds weird but I feel safe and loved when I listen to him sing; even if only in that moment. It is unbelievable.
I listened to him on the subway this morning (after giving him a rest for a few months because I was totally od-ing) and it felt like I was hearing him for the first time again. I had an A-HA moment! LOL!
Elling has created quite a few albums for Blue Note and one for Concord AND he has another one to be released on Concord later this month featuring the music of Hartman and Coltrane...YIPPIE! For more information, go to his site (you won't be disappointed!): http://www.kurtelling.com

I DO NOT HEART KINDLES!!!!

2009-06-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

Perhaps I will have a change of heart at some point but for now, I am vehemently opposed to Kindles. Why would I want to read a book in the form of an over-priced Speak N' Spell? I LOVE books...the smell of them, feel of them, the struggle to keep them bound and in one piece. Everytime I see someone on the subway reading from a Kindle with their bourgois green leather case and their nose high in the air I want to go post-crazio on them and pull their nose off! It honestly makes me want to puke! Yes...I admit it...I am an intellectual, cosmopolitian elitest New York snob. I HEART BOOKS...SUE ME!
I am going to regret this post in a couple of years when I am on the beach in Trinidad reading the latest Coehlo book on my Kindle but until then.....

Me at 33...

2009-06-01T13:54:00.000-07:00

Don't look so bad, but I'm not at all what I thought I'd be. Perpetually single...not poor but barely middle class....performing sometimes, but sitting at a desk most of the time...somewhat successful but not terribly. Don't get me wrong, I live a good life...but I KNOW that I am not living my best possible life and that's what's killing me...33 has to be a good year for reinvention, right? Being the "JESUS WALK" year and all...I need to be made anew. I am strong but afraid too.

Brooklynites...run for the hills!

2009-05-26T10:15:00.000-07:00

I must say that this past weekend had a classic Brooklyn,early summer vibe. DanceAfrica at BAM, a leisurely afternoon in Prospect Park, brunch at Lulus, more food, fun, friends and family...doesn't get much better than that. However, my fab BK weekend was almost thwarted by these two little boys...I know hard to believe, right? So cute and innocent looking, huh? My behind! These kids were trying to take me and my crew out with water balloons. Talk about bold..they walked right up on our blanket and were plotting and scheming out loud in front of us. To add insult to injury, they threatened to take our lunch if we did anything to stop them from throwing their balloons. Now I have got to give it to these kids...they had gi-normous nerve but are a bit suicidal, RIGHT!!?!?!!? I guess they didn't get the memo about black girls, hair care, and unexpected bouts with water...that ish don't mix! These little boys almost got their feelings hurt until their parents came running over, horrified about what that they suspected was about to happen: their bad ass kids throwing balloons at a group of black folks and then getting their tails whooped! I DO NOT MESS WITH PEOPLE'S KIDS! I had to share this...hilarious! LOL!

In Treatment...ARGH!

2009-04-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

This is my confession for the week...

I've got to stop watching that damn "In Treatment" (HBO)! Don't get me wrong it is a great show. Great scripts, amazing cast...just smart TV. BUT it is literally driving me mad.

I watch one of those episodes where Paul really goes in with one of his patients and I suddenly feel that I need to run to the nearest therapist. All of a sudden a ton of stuff comes up into my psyche that has me questioning my sanity and the meaning of life.

At first, I thought I was just overreacting and getting caught up in the fanfare of great TV. However, I am on the 3rd or 4th week of the 2nd season and I am once again feeling this way.

Each character on the show seems to shine a light on one of my personality flaws.

Mia reminds me that I put up walls and am afraid to be really vulnerable with anyone
April reminds me that I gotta let the superwoman thing go because everyone needs help. It doesn't mean I am weak or selfish
Oliver and his wacky fam make me more afraid of marriage and having kids because I realize how much we can affect other people who we love and love us; especially our children
Walter reminds me that no matter how much I achieve I may never be satisfied. Also, that I am always so freakin anxiety ridden and if I don't chill out...I am gonna cause myself more harm than good
Paul's sessions with Gina reminds me that NO ONE HAS THIS LIFE THING FIGURED OUT! He's the therapist and he's just as screwed up (if not more) than his patients.

Where does all this realization get me? Deeper into self-deprecation and disappointment! Like, "Why did I need to know this again?"

What more can I say except that I think it is time to find a therapist that my insurance covers! Inquire within...

Ode to Earth Day

2009-04-22T14:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Earth, my Earth
You've been so good to me
Much better than I've been to you
Much better than I've been to myself

Even when I trash and mistreat you
You find it in your heart to keep me alive
You give and give and give
While I just take and take

I know you are strong and may have been built to last
But you too can only take so much abuse
Everybody and everything needs a little love
And that includes you

In observance of your special day
I am going to vow to treat you better
I will remember the Biblical charge to
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

I am going to be the best darn Earthling that I can be
Even as a New Yorker and cosmopolitan elite
You deserve better and the truth of the matter is
If I don't do something quick...

That may be it
For you
And for me
So dear Earth, my Earth...

Let's fall in love

Lent Season...Rock on!

2009-03-04T04:57:00.000-08:00

As you can see, I haven't had much to blog about these days...well I have but I've sort of just been too much of a bum to actually do it. I made a declaration the other day to all of my closest friends that though it seems like I am this hardworking "g", I am really just a slacker with favor.

By now (March 2009), I was supposed to write a lot more, get in the gym, clean and redo my apartment, prepare for grad school, start another album...and a lot more. Perhaps I just set crazy insurmountable goals for myself. Who knows? One thing is for sure, in this Lent season I have definitely been a lot more all on the ball than I was at the top of the New Year ('s resolution!). I joined a cool gym (heading there in a few minutes), wrote a groovy song, booked some great out of town gigs, applied to grad school, half cleaned my room...lil tings a gwan...big tings soon come...

Hang in there kids...

I am including this photo that I swiped from one of my favorite blogs because it provides me with a great deal of inspiration. A little street art courtesy of the streets of New York...enjoy!

Full Circle...2009

2009-01-28T11:05:00.001-08:00

I am so behind on my blog grind...for real...I fell off! Anyway, I am here now so I'll seize the moment to say...2009 looks very promising to me but not without hard work and a united front.

I've been bumping into people that I was friends with in college lately and I am learning that this is not without purpose. God has a plan for us...we've all got work to do. We didn't get our world class education for nuthin (I say that with my tongue slightly grazing my cheek). God didn't put Obama in office just as a symbol and Forte was not released from prison just because....WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO!

There are minds that must be opened...wounds that must healed...babies that must be saved...families that must be brought together...bridges to be rebuilt. We've been empowered in so many ways and we can't let all the isms (particularly that material one...does more damage then sex- and race- in many ways!) knock us off our game, ya heard?

We've got to find a space where our gifts can be used and get in where we fit in. I am really trying to live up to this call. I've applied to Grad School, started writing some new material, and been finding ways to mentor young women of color...but I can do so much more. It's not just time, resources, and will...it's my responsibility.

This is a call to service...if all who CAN...accept it...we are all going to win.

What a blessing...

2008-08-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

to have shared the stage with this man just shortly before he passed. I didn't get to meet him that day but still...God is good...

half loved...

2008-08-04T01:21:00.001-07:00

I guess what it boils down to my friends, I am kind of tired of being half loved in my relationships with people. And I don't just mean that in terms of romantic relationships but in all of them. How do you love someone half way, when you feel like it, at your convenience? I just never understood that. It really sucks. I just don't know how to do that. I am not sure really how to articulate how that makes me feel but I just had to get that off my chest because it's after 4AM and I am up feeling down. Just trying to figure out how to work with that, ya know? Goodnight for now...

IF THE STOVE IS TOO HOT...GET OUT MY KITCHEN....

2008-06-20T02:18:00.000-07:00

I am so tired of hearing that I am a lot to deal with. What the hell do people want me to do? I am 30 something years old...this aint the time to tone down my personality and fall in line with the parade. I have always been marching to my own beat so what the hell can I possibly do about it now? As long as I love strongly and build my faith in God and show integrity in my dealings with folks and keep growing in the best "me" fashion that I can...what the hell more can I do? What really pisses me off is that the "too much" aspect of my character is usually what attracts people to me but then want me to tone it down when it doesn't suit there current mindstate. How about you get the skates and roll your behind to the infirmary and come back my way once you've figured out that the good stuff don't come easy?

All this crap about good love should be easy is hogwash to me. People are complicated, messy, and multi-layered beings and nine times out ten...if they don't give you a little hell every once and awhile you aint really seeing the full show honey...you are still at the overture. With me, at least you know you getting to see the entire drama unfold on and off stage. I give the kids a little backstage tour of my hurts, pain, frustrations, fears and disappointments along with the joys, triumphs, happy moments and victories without dumping it on them...I just leave the curtain pulled back. You don't need that from everyone because you don't have a vested interest in everyone's life (though we all should to a degree...we are in this humanity thing together, right?) but if you do have that type of relationship with someone (whether it be on plutonic, romantic, or familial terms), you need to appreciate it when they show themselves to you. At the end of the day, you know what you are getting so either love them or leave them alone. Everyone can grow and become a better human being and should do so everyday...myself included. But can't nobody change you to what suits their whims, fears, insecurities, preferences, etc. and if they love you...why should you have to? Love me as I grow into my best self and I will do the same for you.

There's nothing wrong with sharing an honest opinion or giving constructive criticism to a friend. But "you know you can be a lot to deal with" for me is a cop out. I don't have anybody in my life that isn't a lot to deal with in someway. I find that if this is not the case, either the individual is not really in my inner circle or probably shouldn't be because they are only showing or giving a very small portion of themselves to the relationship.

Aint nobody EASY TO LOVE....perhaps some folks MAKE it easier but as soon as the "honeymoon" dance is over we all got some stuff with us. Don't knock my way just because my voice projects a little louder, eyes roll a little harder, mind moves a little quicker, and behind switches a little crazier than others. Je suis moi!

i aint claimin y'all's recession...

2008-06-19T20:13:00.000-07:00

my God, my Art, my Love, my Purpose, my Life, my Truth, my Hope, my Peace, my Dreams, my Future, my Music, my Dance, my Words, my Canvas, my Blues, my Ups, my Downs, my Family, my Friends, my Brooklyn, my Work, my Turn...

y'all's Recession, y'all's Economy, y'all's President, y'all's War, y'all's Downturn, y'all's Bull Market, y'all's Foreclosure, y'all's Capitalism, y'all's Gouging, y'all's $5 gas, y'all's Corruption....

We people's and all...but I aint claimin all of that...

Our America, Our World, Our Brother, Our Sister, Our Peace, Our Love, Our Art (it's so necessary!), Our Future...

I CAN GET WITH THAT!

eternally single?

2008-06-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

i am so disappointed in adult relationships and behavior, y'all... i can't do it...so don't ask. i've made my own mistakes so i know what that's about but i can't afford any real setbacks right now. check back with me when i get to the point where it may be worth it. not there right now. it may be too late when i am but i have to take that chance. too much at stake...

just be honest with yourselves, ok? that's where i am trying to start and i know people have a problem with that. but i gotta be true to myself first before i can worry about the next man or woman. i think that if we had more self-integrity we would be able to avoid a lot of conflict with others. we portray ourselves in a manner which we think will aid us in getting what or who we want. this can be dangerous. on the other hand, where i am in this whole thing can be dangerous too. i can wake-up one day 20 years from now with a bunch of "worldly" success and no one to share it with but my four cats: Paul, John, Ringo and George. GOD willing i will get somewhere closer to the middle before it gets that extreme. for now, i am focused on this one important truism:

passion costs so make it count...

Love...when it's done right...

2008-05-26T06:48:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation about love and relationships yesterday with a lovely older couple that I know who have been married for over 46 years. We were initially talking about something completely unrelated but they looked at me and obviously thought, "this girl needs some talking to about love because she looks like she might be a little confused!" And they would be correct! I just don't see it for myself but to that they said, "God has someone just for you and when you meet him you'll know." Ok...but I just don't trust it...nothing seems to last...
"Do you know how long we've been married?"
"Sure. I think you told me in the past. 46 years?"
"Right and do you know how long it was between the time we met and the time we were engaged?"
"...uh...4 years?"
"6 months!"
"Wow...you weren't playing!"
"Nope. I knew she was the one."
"But take your time sweetie...don't feel the need to rush. Do what's right for you."
"And don't believe everything you hear."
"I was in the cafeteria at school...and I saw this girl smiling at me....i turned around, looked back and she was still smiling at me...after awhile I figured she wanted me to talk to her."
"Can you imagine what would have happened if I didn't smile at him?"
No. I don't know but I am happy you did. I suppose there's hope for me. :-)

Affirmation: do what u love and the money will come...

2008-05-26T06:33:00.001-07:00

I have had random older black women say this to me several times over the past few weeks. I believe that these women, in these moments, are angels sent from heaven because their sentiments are always right on time. One woman told me, "Believe me...you are better off doing what you love. Don't worry about the money right now. You're young and you'll manage. Just don't do like me and wait til you are old to start doing what you love."
This is perhaps contrary to popular belief, but I love lots of things: Music...dancing...performing...travelling...reading...writing...laying on the beach in the carribbean...hanging with my peoples...fine dining...stimulating conversation...
I wish I could make a career of it all!
The truth is I don't mind working hard at what I love to do or even what I have to do, sometimes its just hard knowing you are doing it on your own. Sure people offer their support and martyr themselves to you in order to help push you towards your goal. BUT it seems to always come with a price...like a date. Even if they mean well...that's not what I need. I need to find a person who finds value in and respects what I do and vice versa so that our exchange is balanced. Anything else that may come into the picture if timed correctly is gravy. Feel me? Cool. So you got me?
Help me, help you and vice versa so that we can "do what we have to do so that we can do what we want to do."

"The best career advice given to the young is: 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it." - Katherine Dunham

six years...

2008-05-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have been in the same corporate job for 6 years and I am frightened! Nothing scares me more than the thought of a ten years of service plaque from this joint! It takes courage to be a thirty-something emerging artist during a recession. BUT...I've got to find a way to push past the fear and step into my purpose boldly. I find myself getting caught up in these drawn out moments of self-doubt and lethargy and it is getting harder and harder to snap out of it. However, I have to remember that I am in control and I've gotta keep the faith. My life depends on it. I've devoted my entire life to art...I've sacrified love for art...I've gotta come out with something from the deal!

My prayer:
God grant me the courage to be ALL that you've given me the gifts and desire to be. Amen.

Is inadequate the right word?

2008-05-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

...I am asking because sometimes I THINK I feel inadequate as an artist but this may be an issue of semantics. What I do know for sure is that sometimes I feel like running away to a foreign land so that I can crawl up into a ball and have a big old pity party with no interruptions ONLY to rise up again like a phoenix from my pain and anguish and create the greatest cross-genre artistic masterpiece EVER! Why I can't find a way to do this on American soil...I don't know. BUT the market being what it is here...a FORCE...not that it is not like that globally at this point...I sometimes feel like anywhere else would be better for me as an artist.

Don't get me wrong...history, dysfunction, and other instances of hot mess aside, I am a committed, proud American. I've been a few places in the world and have come to the conclusion that nothing suits my lifestyle, in general, better than residing in Brooklyn USA. HOWEVER...I think I need to get away for a bit to a place where I am more of an anomaly and am not made to feel like I am washed up at 32! I know, I know...no one can MAKE me feel like a has been...it's a choice...and sometimes I make it! I sometimes feel like my ship has sailed and other times I feel like I am just not good enough. ON THE OTHER HAND...sometimes I feel like y'all have no idea what you're missing...you know, "phenomenal woman...that's me!"

Like many other artists around the world, I have an undiagnosed case of artistic schizophrenia!

I am with Sheryl Crow...I think "a change would do me good".
Stay tuned for my pending flight.... :-)

I'm a Mess...

2008-05-05T20:02:00.001-07:00

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

To all of you out there in cyberland who think that I have it together...(I don't know who of you thinks this, but)....you are most sadly mistaken. I am a mess...no, I am a hot mess!
I really don't know whether I am coming or going right now. I just want to run away...for real. I feel like I am stuck in the purgatory of life on earth. You know...nothing too great happening but way too blessed to be complaining! This is the worst. Why am I never satisfied? Am I greedy? ambitious? too cerebral? Why have I always expected so much from life...what have I done to deserve anything more than the status quo? How dare I think that there's more to life than disappointment?

Bottom line: I don't want to work just to work or have a man just to keep the lonely hours from ticking away. I want to live with intention and purpose but sometimes the world makes you feel like crap for wanting fulfillment on your own terms.

Sometimes I want to ask God, "Lord, why would you give me this strong, independent mind? It only makes me crazier!"

My brain won't stop...this is literally an actual stream of my consciousness in the present moment:

Am I going to go back to school? How? MFA? PhD?
When am I going to get started on the next album?
How am I going to finish paying off the debt from my first album?
How am I going to make my way out of corporate America before I am trapped and bitter like the rest of the lot?
Why am I so disillusioned with male/female romantic relationships?
Why do I keep entertaining this idea that it may be better for me to be single for the rest of my life?
Why am I so easily annoyed when men try to help me do things that I can do myself?
I gotta remember to send Nikki her box (though I've been saying this same thing for 7+ years!)
France, Brazil, Senegal, Across the Country
This debt is oppressive
I wonder how all of my grandparents are doing...it's such a blessing to have them all still here...I need to honor and cherish that...for real.
Why do people make babies with people that they don't really like?
What am I doing wrong?
I wonder how all of my family members are doing?
Why am I such a B@$#h sometimes?
I am over the soul music thing...i just want to do me...why would I resist one big click just to join another less affluent one? Sort of counter-intuitive, aint it?
Am I clinically nuts? Should I be on the couch talking to "Paul" or something?
Why have we made SEX such a big deal on the positive and negative sides of things?
How do you reconcile your faith with your intellect and your individuality with your fellowship?
Why do I get so affected by other people's "stuff"?
How do I stay in the race when I feel unworthy?
Is In Treatment going to come back for another season? I'll gag if it doesn't!
I'm 32...how the hell did I get here?
I can't believe it's freakin May already! What have I been doing all year!!?@!@?!@?!

This has got to stop...everyone who reads this is going to think I am crazy for sure...but dang it felt good to get it out! I'm going to bed!!!!!!!!

Living with Courage...

2008-05-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

I was listening to NPR this morning and heard exactly what I needed to hear to get me through this day.

They were running an interview between a journalist and her grandfather who talked about what it was like to live for over 90 years. The grandfather spoke about how he was the black sheep of the family because he didn't want to become a farmer like his father who said, "a man that needs a vacation needs to get a new job." According to the grandfather, his father loved the fields he toiled more than anything in the world. What I like most about the story is that the grandfather did not receive his father's sentiments negatively or in a way that would suggest he should just shut up and do what was expected of him. Instead he took his father's words as an affirmation and applied them to his own life by leaving that farm as soon as he could to embark on an exciting life that has already lasted over 90 years.

The last thing the journalist asked her grandfather was, "Do you have any regrets?" His reply: "No. My life has been beautiful because I decided a long time ago to live with courage." Yes Grandpa! I took those words to heart as if they came from the mouth of my own grandfather. Today I am going to start living my life with a little more courage.

Amen...

Revenge of the BeBes...

2008-04-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

Robin Harris (God rest his soul) told us along time ago that BeBe's kids wouldn't die and were sho nuff gonna multiply and baby...he aint never lied!

The BeBe's who used to be babies are now out of control teenagers and they are trying to divide and conquer the world! If I go out to lunch one more time and encounter the sheer stupidity that these BeBes display in public (no shame!), I am going to start randomly beating people's kids in the streets! Hey...it might land me in the big house but at least I'd be going down for a good cause.
I know I was once young (not too long ago in fact) but I've never seen so much concentrated, public display of foolishness in one space...these kids really just don't give a hot damn about anybody...including themselves!
Where did all this begin and where and when will it end...or at least level off?
If we don't start reaching out to these young people early on and keep them in our grip..."be afraid (people)...be very afraid".

Finding Beauty in Density and Complexity

2008-04-29T09:05:00.000-07:00

Density and Complexity...two words to consider when dealing with a woman like me. I am learning more and more that a woman with resolve is a force that many rather not deal with. Truth be told, sometimes I have a hard time dealing with me and all my complexity. My brain literally moves at the speed of light... so much so that the rest of my body and soul sometimes can't catch up. Knowing that I am still trying to figure me all out, I pity the rest of you poor mortals.

I'm going to keep working on it and this is the space where a lot of the work will get done. Keep reading and learning more about me along with me. Cool? :)

I'm Not Dead...

2008-04-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

As obvious and slightly morbid as this phrase may seem, it's slowly becoming my newest daily mantra.

One thing I've realized about becoming a 30-something is that you start to think about all the things in life that you've always wanted to do and hadn't gotten around to doing so. It's a reality that we all face at some point in our lives as we grow older and take on more responsibilities. Just yesterday I sat with a group of my closest girlfriends and had a long discussion about what we are versus what we thought we would be at this age. We all agreed that there was so much that we wanted to do that we either abandoned out of fear or just never got around to doing. In the middle of one the girls "I wish I would have" statements I interrupted her and blurted out, "But you're not dead! I'm not dead!" Sure we are getting older and the starving artist thing is sort of played out like a CD player but there's still hope!

I know that this may be a little easier for me to say being a single woman, with no children and a descent income, but trust me when I tell you I have my responsibilities (i.e. education debt, shoe habit debt, etc.), fears (i.e. job loss, eviction, growing into an old maid, etc.) and hang-ups (too numerous to list) like everyone else. Still, everyone has to be able to identify one person, place or thing that they've always wanted to see, try, do, or visit (you figure out what or who goes with what or whom) and admit that there's no good reason why they have not gone down that road except for the fact that they just haven't; plain and simple.

A big one for me was that I've wanted to take Frenchlessons for years. Last week I thought to myself, "so why aren't you in a French class doe-doe head?" Soooooo....two days ago I started a new French class and it was tres magnifique! I have a looooooooooong way to go but I am proud of the fact that I didn't break out into the "woe is me" song and dance and gave it the ole college try. Now hopefully this baby step will get me closer to my big grown up steps into my dream life...more on that later... :-)

Stepford Lives in Cyberspace

2008-04-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

Is technology causing society to regress intellectually and spiritually?
Does anyone think or feel for themselves? Why should they with Wikipedia, spellcheck, and PS3 always close at hand?

My new favorite bible verse...

2008-04-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you?

To act justly and to love mercy

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8 [New International Version]

This is probably the most simple and concise prescription for Judeo-Christian living that I have ever read in my life. How did so many of us miss this one? Why have we made things so complicated and downright ugly when Micah had this whole thing figured out ages ago?

I am an independent-minded, critically thinking Christian woman. A lot of people find this self-description to be a bit oxymoronic and honestly, at times I've almost agreed with them. I have been in the "church" my entire life but I am just beginning to understand what CHURCH really means. This little verse near the end of the Old testament has become the framework for my personal theology.

I never really understood why people went to a big ole intimidating building week after week with people that they may or may not like without really understanding why they were even there. By the time I was old enough to decide whether I wanted to keep going to church I knew that I had to do it for the right reasons or I would be torn and confused. Well, I am still kind of torn and confused from time to time but my faith is always restored.

The more I study the Bible the more I find that the reason why so many church folks can't seem to think for themselves is that the "church" has complicated what the Word makes plain and oversimplified those matters which require further examination and reflection. Like every other human dilemma, there must be a lot at work in this issue, historically speaking. I am not sure what is all involved at this point but I am going to keep looking into it. My heart won't let me quit.

More on this great verse later...