A Brief Note: Power and Art and Renewal

I am contemplating the timeliness of Kanye's new song "Power"...not so much in terms of what it means to him as an individual artist/being but how the shift it speaks to represents the dawning of a new era of art and creative thinking and living. Power is being redefined as it tries to recover from all it has destroyed. Meanwhile, the artists and creators of the world are being empowered to make the growing pains of all of this transitioning a little more bearable for us all. Oh the irony...exciting stuff, no?!?!? I suppose it's why I have been suffering from insomnia all summer...the good kind...the kind that keeps me up...where I create and breathe in others' creations and...dream about them all day long...

Speaking of dreams...

Why I Haven't Blogged In Like...Forever...

Long time no...blogging, eh?

Honestly, I am not exceptionally lazy or anything. I really do want to blog regularly and think that I am intellectually capable of doing so. The honest to God truth is simply that I have too much on my mind at any given time. Thus, I suspect that I may spontaneously combust in the midst of a blog entry and we don't want that. At once I am thinking about the Gulf Coast Oil Spill, state of Hip Hop, Oscar Grant travesty, depiction of young Black women in the media and networking via social media to name a few. On top of all of that, I am bogged down with my own issues like research proposals, raising money to finish my album, writing new songs, paying down debt, advancing my career, spending more time with family, fixing up my apartment, going to the gym more, eating better, traveling and an array of other things...being a Vogue-toting feminist aint no walk in the park my friend...let me assure you! With all of that on my mind, I am always afraid that I will say the wrong thing and although I have the ability to edit...I can't be too careful.

Cop out? Maybe. Yet this is how I have been feeling, what I have been thinking and why I haven't been blogging. I will say that this exercise of full disclosure has been quite therapeutic so perhaps it will aid me in unpacking some of this mental/spiritual baggage...

Actually...this feels really nice...my fingers feel liberated and my brain a little lighter. If this is any indication of what is to come, I think I will be in good shape. Note to self: You will not know how things are going to turn out (like writing a blog entry) until you actually sit down and give it a go. What do I have to lose really? Aint nuthin to it but to do it...seize the day...go for what you know...YOU GET THE POINT! I herein now declare that I'm going to try this bloggin regularly thing again real soon...I promise. Until then...Good day sir, I said GOOD DAY!!!

(HINT: Shirley Sherrod, who may be my new hero, is likely to show up on this thing real soon!!!)

Woman of Interest: Ms. Jackson (if your nasty, of course)

I would be lying if I told you Janet Jackson was not a huge influence on me as a young performer. In fact, she was very much the prototype for a triple threat(behind Ms. Debbie Allen of course...more on her later) when I was a teenager. However, as I got older and became more "refined", I began downplaying the impact she had on me. Besides, she was "just" a pop icon and I had begun discovering greats like Sarah, Ella and Billie as a singer and Babs, Chita and Patti LuPone as a triple threat performer. Still, looking back I remember those days in the mirror "trying" to do all of Tina's choreography (especially the one in the video above! LOL!); not so much! Ironically, as a member of Pittsburgh Civic Light Opera's Mini-Stars, "Rhythm Nation" was one of my biggest solos; which gave me a chance to perform her dope choreography on a regular basis in front of people other than my Cabbge Patch doll! Although I was merely fifteen years old at the time, this solo is still a career highlight for me.

I could really go on and on about all of my JJ moments: the concerts, the DVDs, the cassettes then CDs...the first time I heard "That's the Way Love Goes" while sitting in the beauty salon getting my hair done for my senior prom! The bottom line is this: Ms. Janet is an icon who is very much her brother's sister...she has more than proven herself worthy of her last name...she can go toe to toe with the best of them because she resides among them in the Pantheon of American Performing Artists...I've seen her in concert...the woman is no joke....and she was Penny for goodness sake!

Unfortunately, as our pop icons get older they are forced to make decisions about their career that can either make or break them. Ms. Jackson has been no exception as she too has struggled to make the adjustment like so many of her predecessors and contemporaries. How do you continue to portray powerful and sexy at 40ish in a business that glorifies 20ishness? Who knows...no matter what...we can't deny the amazing body of work Janet has already given us. Though she continues to make the transition into her full womanly awesomeness, I am sure she has got decades worth of greatness still in her to give. I can't wait to see what she does next besides "Why Did I Get Married Too!" I aint hatin...I'ma be up in that show...#imjustsayin

...Writing's The Thing...

I have a paper to write today
And I can't seem to find the words I need
So here I am in my little corner of the writing sky
Word hunting and stretching out my thoughts on this little cyber bed

Sitting still, staring at a blank screen
So for the birds...so last year
I am going to give writing a go every time
Even if I am moving in the wrong direction
I'm moving, aren't I?

Epistemes and ontologies
Turns and valences
Nature, nurture, culture and society
Humanities, science and technology

This is me trying to steer my ship back to the straight and narrow
Right now its the only way I know
Because brainstorming and thinking and drinking joe
And tearing out your hair and ripping up your cuticles

And sneaking on Twitter (who are you hiding from?)
And wikipediaing the random
And texting your bestie
And crunching on Pirates Booty

And having a little stretch break
And taking a nap
And beating yourself up
...I suppose they are all viable options...but

Writing's the thing, really

Happy New Year +35 days!!!

I am the worst...I know...I am late for New Years! I know, I know...this post is WAY overdue. Excuses are not my thing but I have to say...I was in a major crisis at the top of the year. I had a 20 page paper due and my entire premise collapsed by page 5! So...I totally freaked and made a big deal of the paper as if it were my PhD dissertation. I really need to stop being so hard on myself. That's so 2009!

Anyways...I am sooooooo excited about the...errr...next 11 or so months! I have so much I want to do. For starters:

1. I want to finish out the first year of this anthro grad program with decent grades (need funding!)
2. Finish writing, recording and release my sophomore album
3. Continue tricking out my apartment so I can feel more like a grown up and less like an overgrown undergrad
4. Another maturation issue: better control over my finances...
5. Stop being such a fear monger! ARGH! So not cute...
6. Get started on a research project which may shape up to be my doctoral focus (or not)
7. Get my french going...I've got to get beyond these measly table manners
8. MORE WRITING (Submit for some journals, blogs, sites, conferences, etc.)

Not a bad start, eh?

I am super hopeful about everything. I am not sure if I will get everything done but I am going to keep working while I am waiting. ACTION!

P.S. I chose this pic of lovely Ms. Grier because it just says beauty and empowerment and looking ahead to me. I love!

Gotta find my CORNER OF THE SKY...

This Is It!: A Revelation

Nothing much to say but...if I am not willing to work as hard as MJ did in rehearsal for his O2 run...then I should probably stop doing WHATEVER it is I think I am doing right now...be it academia, music, business or any other endeavor. MJ was a genius but pushed himself to the max and did so not just for himself, but the world. The film "This Is It" was for me an eye-opener...a revelation.

What shall I conquer now with this new found enthusiasm and zest?!?!! 2nd album? advance degree? a family? thriving business? peace? balance?

First and foremost, MJ was focused...thus, FOCUS IS MY CURRENT FOCUS! ;-)

"Who Am I Anyway?"

This is what I go through and how I feel each and everyday (at work, school, personal life, etc.)...



...Life is really one long audition for me...and I keep getting cut...yet I keep coming back to the line.

If I give up, what else can I do? Life goes on whether I participate or not...so for me...there is no other alternative but to keep getting back to that line...LIFE...here goes!

NOBODY TOLD ME THE ROAD WOULD BE EASY...

BALANCE...MY FAVORITE WORD THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT...

I have been struggling to balance my day job, music career, academic work and personal life for the past several weeks. I am afraid that if I don't give up something, I will be horrible at everything...or at the very least mediocre which is such a bad word! I've already seen how it has affected my music. I need to find a way to devote much more time to it. But how?

These are the days when I understand people's desire to hit the MEGA MILLIONS. I am sure that it would cause more trouble than its worth but for me it is an attractive alternative right now!

I am running out of VERBS...I am doing so much.

That's all...just sharing.

Back to School Time...

Why do I feel like a 2nd grader eagerly anticipating the coming of a new school year? Only my 2nd 1st day of school but exciting nonetheless...new pens, new paper, new biscuit Thom McCann (sp?) shoes...can't get enough of em! Except now I am 33 not 7 and have already been to many different schools and have a couple of degrees, to boot.

Why now? Why this time is it such an exciting proposition for me?

This is a time like no other in the world, in the US, in NYC, in my life personally. Obama is president, the economy is down, people are bugging, and I am excited to put on my Wonder Woman costume and get to work. I WANT TO START REALLY LIVING AND THRIVING...Sure I have already had a pretty full life: moving to NY at 17, going to NYU, working in the music business, touring with my favorite musical, traveling to Europe and Japan, releasing an album, getting my Master's degree...I aint complaining over here. BUT I am convinced that I have not done enough and I have to get my tail moving on my real purpose in life...which I must confess is not 100% clear yet. I do know that it will involve empowering women and girls, through scholarship, activism, and the arts. Pretty broad I know...so I've go to remember that if this is a life long journey I've got to prepare myself for the long haul...it's not just about what's in front of me. What's more...it aint about me!

God has given me multiple gifts to cultivate and allow to grow so that I can use them to uplift his people. Funny thing is...I am going into a field and studying with a bunch of people who mostly deny the existence of God. What a challenge I have before me! I am sooooooooo up for it though.

Next tuesday is my first day...I wonder what I should expect...I think I will buy some new black flats for the occasion. Pray my strength! ;-)

A Day of Remembrance for MJ...

I am reminded by witnessing the outpour of love for MJ that you never know who you might touch with your gifts. You cannot let the haters and naysayers run you out of the game. Artistry is service to a dying world.
In life and in death, MJ has inspired me to carry out my God-given calling even when others try to make me feel less than...even when it hurts...even when I feel like giving up.
Only God can judge me...the same goes for Michael. May his soul rest in peace.

Michael Jackson
1958-2009

Woman of Interest: Phyllis Hyman (In Remembrance)

Phyllis Hyman
July 6, 1949 — June 30, 1995

Her beauty was beyond belief...her voice was so rich and her personality larger than life...to know her music was to love her.

I became a fan of Ms. Hyman as a sophomore in high school when my drama teacher showed me a clip of her singing "It Don't Mean a Thing" in the Broadway musical, Sophisticated Ladies (plus I found out that she was originally from my hometown, Pittsburgh!). Ever since that day her beautifully rich alto tone has haunted me. Along with greats like Sarah Vaughan and Anita Baker, her artistry is something that I have aspired to because all four of us possessed one similar gift: a strong lower register (as well as some nifty highs). Now if only I can get mine to sound half as glorious as Phyllis'... Unfortunately, all that talent did not help her bouts with depression and extreme sadness. I wish she knew how much she was and still is loved.

Make it your business to learn more about this American treasure and her music. For more information, click here. As a gift to her memory, purchase some of her music today. :-)

Meet Job's Daughter...

I sent a tweet out today that simply said:" I believe that writers are direct descendants of Job." Not sure why. Well...actually I do. I was reading a Chronicle of Higher Learning piece on college student writing and the internet. At the same time, I was listening to the NY Times Book Review podcast. The guest was bestselling author, James Irving who said that it often takes close to a year between the time that he gets the idea (usually the last line) for a new book and when he writes the first sentence. What patience!?!!?!? It made me think of my own process and how impatient and unforgiving of myself I can be at times.

Job is a historical figure who I think about quite a bit. Every time I read his story, I get something else out of it which I can then apply to my own life. He is widely known as one of the most patient men to ever walk the face of the earth. He also endured longsuffering and affliction in defense of what he believed in. He lost everything yet stood firm on the promise that his latter days would be greater (well...he had a "moment" but he was still human!). The story of Job always causes me to reflect on my life as an "artist".

I am always striving to get better, do more...and the journey gets lonely. Although I know loads of artists and people in general who are going through what I am going through...it never feels like that in the low moments. In these moments, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well...screaming at the top of my lungs...every once and awhile someone will pass and stick their head down to see where the sound is coming from...but they don't see me but instead see their own reflection in the water...not realizing that there is a woman down in there...somewhere.

BUT then I think of Job...he lost his family, his wealth, his health...everything...yet still he was faithful and God blessed him tremendously in the end. I ask myself, "Can you go on knowing that this desert moment that you are experiencing may go on for quite some time?" I rest on the thought and come to the same conclusion that my spiritual forefather came to in his prayer to God: "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted."

Secret to World Peace and Harmony...Let Women Rock!

Yo...an undeniable fact is that when women are given the space and place to rock (by rock I mean do what they do and do it well), the world becomes a better place and humanity is at its best.

I have always been inspired by women (famous and not so famous) who just go for it...whatever that means for their lives. However, recently the opportunity to watch women really ROCK what they do has infused my heart with so much pride, joy, and inspiration that I am overwhelmed with new ideas and dreams that I am looking forward to ROCKING in due time.

Every time Michelle Obama steps off of a plane or walks down the hallways of the White House we look on in awe of her because she is totally ROCKING 1st ladyhood. When Beyonce steps on stage some of us hate but others of us recognize the tradition she carries on in the spirit of women like Tina Turner who give audiences 150% every single night. If you have ever had the good sense to read a Toni Morrison book (Beloved being my fav), when you are done not only are you amazed by the work itself but have to recognize the amazing woman behind it.

Lately, two very good friends of mine have combined efforts to create a collective of two known as Dlaila. Dlaila = Key (http://ladyplum.wordpress.com/) + Jini (http://jinita.wordpress.com/). Now individually these women are super fantastic talents and beautiful people. BUT together they REALLY ROCK...and they are just getting started. Check them out and you will see what I mean: http://dlaila.wordpress.com/

Jini has two AMAZING daughters who are just in their preteens and they are already ROCKING IT...AND HARD AND HOW! Jauhara is a crazy fresh visual artist and musician and Chandani is ridiculously gifted writer and singer (among other things). These girls bring me so much hope for the future...WOO HOO! They make me want to have a little girl or two. :-)

Check out the below for a small gallery tour of some of Hara's work. When Chandani allows me access to some of her written work, I will share that with you as well.

So people...I beseech you...instill the gift of ROCK into the hearts and minds of little girls. They don't know the power that they have...I forget all the time so I get it...I do. Tell them that if they choose to sing, or cook, or dance, or write, or nurse, or mother, or police, or profess, or confess, or sweep, or whatever to ROCK ALL THE WAY OUT. The human race is depending on them. ;-)

short gallerie tour from dlaila and company on Vimeo.

Live * Work * Create - a photo essay

Subject: Kendra Ross and the side wall of Brooklyn Industries on 5th Avenue and Union Street in Brooklyn, June 8, 2009
Photographer: Ji Ni (c) 2009

In the wrong place at the right time...

As you may well know, I am an independent recording artist and performer which means I am a professional artist with a day job (for now)! Sometimes this bugs the crap out of me because the time I spend sitting at this desk making my corporation money is time I should be using to perfect my craft(s). HOWEVER...I often wake up and remember that being broke aint cute...especially after 25...okay 30! The truth of the matter is that this job has been a blessing for the most part. Since I've been here I received my first master's degree (working on my 2nd towards a PhD right now)and released my debut album. SO...it hasn't really stopped me from pursuing my dreams at all. BUT...days like this...when I am sitting on 8 hour conference calls...I want to run away! ARGH! For me this may not be the right place in my mind but it is where I am supposed to be right now...we will see what happens.
This is me sitting at my desk listening to a presentation being made by some European consultants to our LA office...HE HE:

Where's DMX when you need him?

Y'all gon' make me lose my mind up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me go all out up in here, up in here
Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL up in HERE, up in here
Y'all gon' make me lose my cool up in here, up in here
-DMX "Party Up"

I feel you dawg...it has been one of them dayz! fo rilla!

Me at 33...

Don't look so bad, but I'm not at all what I thought I'd be. Perpetually single...not poor but barely middle class....performing sometimes, but sitting at a desk most of the time...somewhat successful but not terribly. Don't get me wrong, I live a good life...but I KNOW that I am not living my best possible life and that's what's killing me...33 has to be a good year for reinvention, right? Being the "JESUS WALK" year and all...I need to be made anew. I am strong but afraid too.

Lent Season...Rock on!

As you can see, I haven't had much to blog about these days...well I have but I've sort of just been too much of a bum to actually do it. I made a declaration the other day to all of my closest friends that though it seems like I am this hardworking "g", I am really just a slacker with favor.

By now (March 2009), I was supposed to write a lot more, get in the gym, clean and redo my apartment, prepare for grad school, start another album...and a lot more. Perhaps I just set crazy insurmountable goals for myself. Who knows? One thing is for sure, in this Lent season I have definitely been a lot more all on the ball than I was at the top of the New Year ('s resolution!). I joined a cool gym (heading there in a few minutes), wrote a groovy song, booked some great out of town gigs, applied to grad school, half cleaned my room...lil tings a gwan...big tings soon come...

Hang in there kids...

I am including this photo that I swiped from one of my favorite blogs because it provides me with a great deal of inspiration. A little street art courtesy of the streets of New York...enjoy!

What a blessing...

to have shared the stage with this man just shortly before he passed. I didn't get to meet him that day but still...God is good...